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I am 17 years old and I have had two abortions. I grew up with a crazy lifestyle. I always acted older than I really was. When I was twelve, I lost my virginity and I am NOT PROUD OF THAT. I wish I could go back and change everything but I can't...

I was 16 and 19 weeks pregnant. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I went to get birth control and failed my pregnancy test, and by then I already had alcohol in my system. I was over three months so I had to go to a big clinic. My family didn’t have money like that, but my mom scheduled for me an appointment on Friday, February 10, 2006.

On February 9, 2006, I didn’t sleep at all, I didn’t know what was gonna go down, so I was scared. My mom came into my room to wake me up and she was surprised I was awake. I know they tell you no smoking 24 hours before, but I was so stressed, I had two cigarettes on the way, I acted like I was going to the club, blasting music and singing to make myself feel better, and also so my mom would think I was OK.

My mom and I finally got to the clinic and there was an old guy outside screaming. My mom told me to stand tall. We walked right past [the protestors] through the doors. When I walked into the waiting room, it was filled with so many emotions. People were crying, laughing, silent, and some were just dazed.

Like I said before, we didn’t have money to pay for it so my mom's friend gave us her credit card to use but that morning, my mom got her taxes back. It was about 500 dollars with the referral discount. I still have to hear my mom yell that she had to put that money out for me, HER DAUGHTER!

I stayed calm until I got my ultrasound and realized I was 19 weeks. I put up a big fight when they were inserting the IUD and I couldn’t take the big pills they wanted me to without water, but I did what I had to do. Then they brought me in the back room to a chair. I woke up in a bed with duct tape wrapped around my legs holding the pad in place. They made me walk around the room twice and hand them the pad in front of everyone. I called my mom and she came and got me.

A year later, I was in the hospital for bad back pain and the blood results came back that I was pregnant. This time, I was only two weeks when I found out, and my mom definitely didn’t have any money to pay for this one. I was so ashamed of myself. I had to wait four weeks for Medicaid. Honestly, I thought a lot about keeping this one but I was too young and only a junior in high school. I got my Medicaid card and that same day I called a clinic.

I went there with my mom and my grandma. It was full of little girls that thought it was cute to be there. I met a girl named Brittany and I will never forget her. She was 19 and this was her 3rd time. She bragged about how she was doing the procedure awake. I met another girl... I don’t remember her name, but we went in together. She was 13 years old and got pregnant by a 16 year old and didn’t even know his name.

I regret killing two of my babies but it was a mistake. I want to succeed in life as more than a mother.