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October 2004, my ex and I got engaged. Our wedding date was August 2006, and we were trying to get pregnant. I got my positive pregnancy test in April. Everything was going really well, and then he relapsed. He's a cocaine addict. He had been doing really well, went to rehab--but then relapsed a couple of times, so that opened my eyes big time. I knew that I couldn't do this.

I was working at an abortion clinic. I told my best friend who I work with. By then I was probably 15 weeks... I was never naive enough to think that I'd never have an abortion, but I was naive enough to think that it would never be that far along. We had to make a plan to pass it off as a miscarriage because of my fiance's reaction. For him it's something that wouldn't be acceptable. And that would be the one time in my life with him that I'd be afraid for my well being--if he knew.

So we had to think of something to do to pass it off as a miscarraige. We thought we could induce bleeding and cramping with the medicated abortion pills and then have me go to ER and say I miscarried, etc. So I took the medication from the clinic and did eveything the way I would do it if I was 8 weeks pregnant, and nothing happened. So I called my friend bawling and she was like "oh shit, oh shit... what are we going to do?"

We called an abortion doctor in this area whose specialty is late-term abortion, and we both have worked with him. So we called him--he's not affiliated with the clinic anymore, so there's no conflict of interest--and he told my friend, "OK. Here's what we're going to do. On Monday, she's going to pretend to bleed and cramp at work. You're going to take her to group health urgent care and I'll see her. I'm going to confirm that the pregnancy is no longer viable."

Monday I pretended to bleed and cramp. My partner was waiting outside. I told him whatever I needed to tell him. His lack of knowing was certainly helpful in that situation. Friday I went back down for the procedure, which was fine. It didn't hurt at all. Everything went super-smooth and really well. I knew there was no way I could have carried that pregnancy. It would be so much harder to have to leave my fianc� with the child.