I am allergic to LATEX and a chemical that is common in spermicidal cream. I also have a terrible hormone imbalance which prevents me from taking estrogen birth control pills. In other words, I have very few options for birth control. I am on pregnancy number eight right now. I have an appointment next week for an abortion. I have one beautiful daughter, have had three miscarriages, and three previous abortions.

At 13 years old I had my first miscarriage. I went to a party I had no business being at. I was knocked unconscious by two older teenagers, brutally beaten and raped. I had no idea about the extent of my injuries and just simply tried to heal. After a while I was worried about how long it was taking me to get better. I finally went to a doctor, who told me I had a miscarriage and I would never be able to carry a child to full term. He informed me that my uterus had been through so much trauma that there was too much scar tissue for it to stretch enough for a child. After my second miscarriage a 17, my OB/GYN told me that with corrective surgery and time I could one day carry a child. After another miscarriage and few corrective procedures at 20, I was married and became pregnant again. This time I found out about an experimental drug that allowed me to carry my daughter to full term. My miracle baby. Unfortunately, this medicine also made me very, very sick.

I try to stay positive about all this and keep looking for alternative birth control methods. I have looked into having my tubes tied, but even the "reversible" procedure can't always be reversed. I try sheepskin condoms instead of latex, but, of course, they break. I take progesterone only birth control pills, but they are only about 75% effective. I have found a spermicidal cream that I can use, but obviously it doesn’t always do the trick. And, of course, I use the pull-out and rhythm methods. I am no longer married, my boyfriend and I have been together for four years now and this is our 3rd pregnancy. (Lord, how did I wind up with such a potent man?!)

One day, when I am ready, I will take the medicine again. I will go through the sickness for a year and a half to carry a child full term. I will have another child, but now is not the time.