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Thursday night, into Wednesday morning:

Laying in bed restless and unable to sleep I ripped open a pregnancy test, which I've had laying around since the last scare. Unlike the one a few months ago, this one was positive. That first line appeared so fast. By the time I placed it on the counter, the first bubble was already making me scream inside. I'm only 21, which oddly enough was the same age my mother was when she found out she was pregnant with me.

All alone, I stayed up all night, tossing and turning. As each hour passed, I sat anxiously waiting for my boyfriend. [He works out of town for long periods of time. ] When he walked in, I kissed him and immediately the phrase "we need to talk" jumped out of my mouth. He looked confused and worried. When I told him I was pregnant he quickly sat down. We sat there in silence for a while then I begged him to tell me what was on his mind. Still silent, I told him "we're not ready to be parents and that I would like to get rid of it. That sounds so selfish, I know." He mumbled, "I think you're right."

All morning we sat there, with his arms around me. I felt safe and at comfort with what we had decided. We made an appointment and did research to help with our decision. Our apportionment was Saturday. As the days passed we began to question ourselves, constantly saying how we could get through anything. We had each other, that's all we needed. Finally we hit a wall and realized we know for a fact we can't provide a child with the life its deserving of. At least not yet.

Saturday morning...

With an appointment 2 hours away at 1130, we decided to be up by 8... Welllll, that didn't work too well.. My 815 alarm went off, and I swiped to cancel that the second it blew. Making us wake up around 9, we quickly changed and hopped in the car. We were already pressed for time and my boyfriend was slowly getting road rage and slightly green. SO of course we hit traffic and we're on the track to being about 20 mins late. I being the calm cool and collected one, makes a phone call to the clinic. With my convincing voice, we got an appointment at noon. Now we had time to spare, and he began to cool down. Both of us joked about punching protestors if they were surrounding the premises. Thankfully they weren't.

We walked in and signed in, sat down, filled out more paperwork, sat down then paid. I swear it was a Catholic church service. We sat in the back corner, away from everyone. They finally called my name and I went back to get my ultrasound. After having the javelin shoved up there, i found out i was 5weeks. Deciding the pill was the best decision. i waited to talk to the counselor and take the first dose. Finding out I was negative blood type, the nurse stabbed the medicine into me, before taking the first dose. Boy can I say she was a rude lil' mama.

Other than the satanic nurse with the shots, the entire staff was warm and helpful. I left there with confidence i made the right choice, for all of us. My boy friend kept asking me if I was OK, and how couldn't I be, I was with him.

A day later, I took the four pills at home. My boyfriend spent the entire night by my side. I asked him to bring me soup and a sandwich earlier that night, so he came back with clam chowder (bless his soul). Other than that, it was just like a very heavy period. I had one episode of pure pain which caused me to roll up in a ball.

3 days have passed and I feel like myself again. I'm not moody, or cranky. I don't feel huge or bloated. After sharing my story, I know I'm not alone. One day I'll be ready, and I promise to be the best mom I can be. xoxo