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I was in denial for a few weeks. I was telling myself it was just in my head and I couldn't possible be pregnant. Then the day came when I summoned up the courage and went to a community clinic to get a free pregnancy test. I sat there waiting, and the lady turned around and asked if I had checked the pregnancy test. I felt my heart sink when I saw it was positive. I cried. I felt my life end. I knew I wasn't in a position or prepared to take care of a baby. The lady said there were other options, but all I could think of was being an embarrassment to my family. My family would disown me. My mother is a hardcore Christian, and premarital sex was out of the question. My father, he had just recently come into my life. I only had a few months building a relationship with him. And I couldn't stand for him to be ashamed of me. I told my boyfriend. I saw the smile on his face and still I told him I didn't want it. It, I called my baby it, because I thought if I didn't grow attached to the baby it wouldn't hurt as much. I was broke; living on your own and going to school doesn't leave much money to pay for an abortion. Even after looking at the pregnancy test, it didn't feel real. Not until I laid on the examining table and had a nurse give me an ultrasound and see that there was a little baby growing inside me did it become real. I cried. I told myself I was doing the right thing. I convinced myself it was for the best. I thought the worse day of my life was finding out I was pregnant. I was wrong... when I finally got the money to have my abortion I was already 13 weeks along. I went in for my appointment. I sat in the waiting room nervous as hell, squeezing my boyfriends hand. I was finally called in and the nurse gave me some pills it was suppose to give me cramps. That was my personal hell. I felt like my uterus was being ripped out of my body. I started puking and the nurse decide to keep me in the back instead of the waiting room. I wish she hadn't, as I sat there in pain thinking to myself that I deserved every bit of it. I saw something that will always stay in my mind. I saw a nurse pushing a cart with a container full of blood and human tissue. When I saw it, I knew that was a baby. In a few minutes my baby...But by the time I decided to change my mind it was too late. I was called into the room. I lay on the exam table and with tears in my eyes I passed out. I woke up to a nurse putting on my clothes and shoes and she said it was over. Over... I learned it's never over when you have an abortion. I get mad every time I see a kid or a pregnant woman. I broke down crying when I found out my boyfriend's friend was pregnant. I hate my boyfriend, because it doesn't seem to bother him as much as it does me. I feel empty inside, alone and depressed. I feel guilty, and I feel like I'm no long a child of God's because I killed my baby. I'm in my own personal hell.