Browse stories

I had a surgical abortion on July 27, 2009 at the Women's Health Options in my home town. It was the most painful experience I've had to date. But it was a choice I don't regret.

My fiance and I are young and living on our own. I just started a new job and he has been working off and on due to the lack of work in his field. I also was recently diagnosed with endometriosis with a small chance to carry a baby to full term. Last month I had a miscarriage and it was so emotionally hard on both of us. I felt like I was fading away and that my chances were already gone thanks to the endo. The next month I waited and waited for my period to come and then I just knew I was pregnant. 8 million blood tests later it was for sure.

My fiance was excited yet I was shocked... I didn't know how to feel this time. I wasn't happy. I hated that I wasn't happy to be pregnant with our baby and maybe this time we could actually have it and a miscarriage wouldn't take it away. I struggled with it for a few weeks. Warming up to the idea and then it came crushing down. My fiance was so excited, rubbing my belly and asking how his babies were all the time. But when I brought up my feelings, it quickly changed. I missed two days of work in my first two weeks I became so ill. I had a trip to the ER and was on every medication I could be. It was wearing on me and I was at risk of losing an amazing job that I worked hard to get. On top of the constant sickness I had became extremely depressed. My fiance and I discussed our options, trying to figure out if I could handle carrying the baby. I was too ill to even carry the baby and then give it up for adoption. The end result was an abortion.

It was one of the hardest days for me, even though I felt numb and it felt all so surreal. My fiance came with me for every part of it, even the procedure, which was the most painful thing I've ever felt. I sat in recovery for a while, not wanting to leave... I don't know why. I came home and slept all day. I woke up feeling like myself again but extremely emotional-- I cried a lot. It wasn't because I felt guilty or regretful. I was just sad. I felt such relief with that sadness and it made everything a lot easier. I will never go through that again and I will never forget our baby that never came to be. I just cant wait till we can try again and we have everything we need to make it work and the spirit of our lost baby will be born into the world and loved more than we could ever love.