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I didn't know anything about abortions. I didn't even have strong feelings about abortion either way. I never thought about it. I looked at my stomach and wondered what was in there. I felt special and different. Everything started changing-- the world smelled different and I felt like I had to be kinder and treat myself more carefully.

It was August of last year, and I was a freshman in college. I couldn't have a baby. I told my cousin I was pregnant, and she told me she had an abortion once. I told her I thought I was going to also. I would call her when I was sad about it, but she didn't seem to want to talk about it.

I asked my mom her opinion of abortion, but I didn't tell her I was going to have one. She didn't even know I ever had sex. She didn't seem to want to talk about it either. Before I was pregnant, my boyfriend always said he was opposed to abortion. Now that I was pregnant, he didn't know what to think.

I cried every night and felt sick every morning. I went to work everyday for a week pregnant; there was a women there who was eight months pregnant and talking about the birth of her child. I felt so horrible-- I didn't know what to do.

I went to the clinic on the bus alone. I was there from 9 am until 5 pm. I was six weeks and 4 days pregnant. When I had the abortion, they gave me drugs to ease the pain and relax me. I was still aware, but I wish I hadn't taken them. The counselor holding my had asked me questions about school and my hair-- I wish I wasn't talking about my hair when I was having an abortion. That makes me feel so guilty! When I lay in the recovery room, another women who had an abortion looked at me, smiled, and waved. That was the most comforting feeling I have ever felt through this whole experience.

The nurse said she would call a taxi to take me home, but I wanted to take the bus to be alone for awhile and think. I didn't want to leave the clinic because they were the only people who knew I had an abortion and weren't afraid to talk about it. I felt safer there.

I have copy of the ultrasound now and I look at it a lot. I also have a copy of the medical papers from my abortion and I read them. I don't regret I had an abortion. I have become the women I am supposed to be because of it. Everything surrounding it just makes me really sad. I am mainly sad that I will probably never tell my mom. I was her only child because it was hard for her to have children-- she had three miscarriages.

I never tell anyone and I don't know why. I am drawn to the clinic where it happened and I am really sad the clinic is closing. I feel so much attachment to that place now. The girl five months ago who went through all that seems so distant to me. I guess that's why I am so connected to the that time. It's everything I am but hard to remember.