I had an abortion this morning. I was six weeks and four days.

I wanted my baby. When we found out, we were both so excited. I already have a four year old son and I knew I loved being a mom. I was picking out names and had already ordered maternity clothes.

In the few weeks between when we found out and now, my boyfriend of one year has done a complete 180. Out drinking all night, spending all his money on concerts and bars, and treating me badly. Last weekend it all came to a head. He came home very drunk, we were fighting about him staying out so late, and he looked me in the eyes and said, "I hope to God there is something wrong with this baby and you miscarry, and if not I want you to have an abortion because I can't stand you and don't want a baby with you."

He moved out that night. I work full time and go to school full time, and I have my four year old son. It would be very difficult to raise another child on my own. It wouldn't be fair to the baby, and it wouldn't be fair to my existing child. I can only be spread so thin before there's nothing left. But I wanted this baby despite all of that.

For the next several days, I went back and forth between keeping the baby and raising it by myself, or having the abortion. After many discussions with my therapist, I finally realized that I couldn't bring a baby into the world with a father that wished it dead. I couldn't raise a child with a man so selfish that he would use those words about his own child, just to hurt me. I made the appointment with the clinic, and I cried every day leading up to it. I couldn't eat, I threw up everything that I put into my mouth. I lost five pounds in three days.

I was brokenhearted about my decision, but I knew it was the right one. The thing that bothers me about abortion debates is that people so frequently refer to abortion as the "easy way out". No. This was NOT the easy choice. The easy choice was to have my baby, that I so desperately wanted and already loved so very much. There was nothing easy about this. It was the hardest choice I've ever had to make, but it was the right choice.

While I was lying on the bed waiting to be wheeled into the procedure room, I talked to my baby. I said that I loved it very much and that I wasn't doing this because I didn't want it. I said goodbye. Then they put me to sleep, and when I woke up I wasn't pregnant anymore.

This was the hardest and most painful thing I have ever gone through in my life. But it was my choice, and it is a choice that every woman should have, regardless of her circumstances. I don't know yet if I will ever truly heal. But I know that I made the right decision.