I had my abortion when I was 25. I was sleeping with someone pretty regularly, but he was not available to be in a relationship - maybe you can read between the lines.

When I took the home test, I did not want to believe. Even when I went to the doctor, I still thought the test could be wrong.

The man did not want the child but could not bring himself to tell me that he wanted me to have an abortion. I didn't know what to do. I always thought that I would have an abortion and that would be it. It is so different when you are actually pregnant. I was so stressed that I started bleeding. I went to the doctor and she said she could give me something that could possibly stop the bleeding - did I want it? Wow, it was time to decide. I decided against the medication and hoped the "problem" would take care of itself. No such luck. I contined to bleed for the week. At this point, the doctor recommended an abortion, however, she would not do it. She gave me the name of a place to go. There are a handful around me, but she said that there was only one that I should consider.

I had a friend drive me. I was in such a daze the whole morning. I remember sitting in a room waiting with other women, watching "Party of Five" reruns. I couldn't believe this was happening. Eventually it was my turn. The nurse put my hands on my stomach and held them. She talked to me the whole time. I needed that. When it was over, my friend took me home. I just wanted to be alone.

I finally just got over a lot of the guilt and feelings of not deserving love. I went on a bad path afterwards, feeling that I made a horrible choice and I was such a horrible person, no one could love me. I made a mistake. I can't change it. I know that now. I can only become a better person.