I had moved to Los Angeles and broken up with my boyfriend of 5 years. It was the first time I'd ever been on my own. I was 23. I had a job that wasn't making a lot of money and I went off of birth control because I couldn't afford to pay for it anymore. I didn't have health insurance because I couldnï¿½t afford to pay for that. I mean when you're 23 how do you have all of that stuff? I was barely eating.
I met this guy. We became friends, started hanging out and then we started sleeping together. I think it was a rebound thing for both of us. We used condoms but sometimes we didnï¿½t start off using one. I guess it was one of those times when you start off not using a condom and a little sperm gets in there and you're pregnant. And it was really, really scary. I felt really alone. I didn't feel like I could go to my family about this-- god forbid-- hell no! I ended up telling my friend that I lived with. I didn't know if I'd be sick, and if there were complications, I wanted someone to know what the problem was.
Nobody in my family knows... I just wouldn't tell them. It's too big of a thing to pass over to them. It's a disappointment issue, like how could I let that happen? How could I get myself pregnant? How could I go through something that they donï¿½t think highly of? My parents are very loving and kind but at the same time they have high standards about what they think is right and wrong, and what they think their children should or should not do. It's not necessarily based on reality. Every parent wants their child to be perfect, but whatever... it's like smoking pot-- every kid has done it but they're not necessarily going to tell their parents.
I was 23 years old. I could barely afford to feed myself. There was no way in hell I wanted a child, and I didn't want a child with someone that I wasn't in a loving relationship with. He didn't want it for god's sake. And I didn't want to be a mom at 23. It's one of those things like "Oh my god, I can't believe it happened to me." Of course it did. It happens to everybody.