I was 18, almost 19 and he had just turned 31....We had been dating for a year...I missed my period and of course I knew why....I told him that I missed my period, and he said, take a pregnancy test...So I did...Before all of this he told me that doctors had told him that he couldn't have kids...Of course I believed this...I was only 18....So, I took the test...actually 2 tests...They both said I was pregnant.

What did he do? He looked at me and said, "What are you going to do about it?" For some reason, I didn't get upset or freak out...I knew exactly what I was going to do....I was going to have an abortion and that's what I told him...Then I proceeded to walk out of his bathroom and go home...

The following day I called several abortion clinics in the area to check everything out...I picked one randomly...My boyfriend and I weren't living in the same city so he was not able to go with me to the clinic...But, I didn't ask him and he didn't offer...He didn't even offer to pay for it...I paid for it...

For some reason, I don't remember everything that happened this day or even about the abortion for that matter...Probably because I chose to block it out...[The nurse] gave me an ultrasound...She took me to the room where they do the procedure...As soon as the doctor came in, I just started crying...They knocked me out completely and I woke up about 45 minutes after the procedure...I felt nothing...No pain at all...When I woke up, the nurse helped me get dressed and explained what I could and could not do for the next month or so...

I was completely emotional for awhile afterwards...But, the weird thing is that I never felt one ounce of regret...I was not going to be one of those young mothers without an education...My mother was a young single mom and I wasn't going to be another freaking statistic...That's what I kept telling myself...I never cried because I had an abortion...It wasn't until now, 6 years later, that I have begun to think about it...

A lot of people I know are having babies so maybe this is why...It seems like every day I think about the baby I could have had...It's so hard for me to even say the word baby...

I don't regret the decision I made because I know it was the right decision for me, but I do cry...I cry quite regularly when I think about it...Just the whole situation...My boyfriend at the time was convinced that it wasn't his because he kept insisting he couldn't have kids so I must have cheated on him...I never cheated on him even once...EVER...It was his child...I know the truth...If I could go back in time, would I do anything differently? Probably not...I know I did the right thing...I just wish that I didn't think about it so much now...I wish I didn't cry over it...