I was 17 years old when I had my abortion. It was 1979. I had just had my eldest daughter, she was a couple of months old. The family member my husband and I lived with at the time told me that I couldn't have another baby, it was too soon. I had come from Mexico and I saw this woman as my own mother, so I listened to her and I went to the clinic. I know it was not her fault. I was the one who made the decision to go, but I was blinded, ignorant, not thinking about what I was going to do.
I felt no physical pain at all, the only pain I felt was in my heart. It was a shock when I finally realized what I had done. I went out of that clinic a changed woman. When I left that clinic, I walked across the street to a church and stayed there for hours, crying, thinking to myself, "why didn't I come here first?" I called my husband, crying, asking him to pick me up... he got scared, thought I was hurt, and I told him the only thing that hurt was my heart.
I carried this pain with me for the past 27 years. It affected my self esteem, my sexual life with my husband, and this grief replaced the person I was before. Two years ago, I went to a post-abortion healing retreat that transformed me. I found healing and God's endless love. No matter what, I know God never stopped loving me.