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I woke up feeling nauseous a few days in a row. Our relationship was six months old, and the friendship was a few years old. He traveled a lot, on trips for weeks at a time. And on the morning of one of those trips I took the test and the result was positive. I drove him to the airport in shock and saw him off. He didn't think it was the right time in his career. A small part of me felt the same way, but another part of me didn't want to hear those words.

I handled the abortion myself. I didn't want to tell anyone--this was something that had happened to other people I knew and I always felt so grateful it didn't happen to me. Even though I terminated the pregnancy early on, it was during the termination that I realized it was a real living thing. That feeling and that image haunt me--the idea that I somehow threw away a naturally occurring, God-given event.

The relationship couldn't stand the pressure and ended a few months later. I'm in a new relationship now with a very caring person. I'm working through it--life is much better now, but it's an experience I will carry with me.