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I was 19, a freshman in college. I had just moved away for school and realized two months in that I had yet to use a tampon. I freaked, and without even thinking much about it, I knew what I had to do. That weekend I had a consultation and that following week a surgical procedure. My boyfriend was supportive, and we acted as if nothing had happened. But the next four months are a blur in my mind, until I woke up one morning and instantly knew I was pregnant again. The nurses told me it was impossible since I was only two weeks, but I KNEW. My boyfriend and I went back and forth about keeping it, but I made the final decision. To me it wasn't only my life I was about to change, my family, his family, his life... my mistake would cause all of them grief. Don't mistake me, I know what I did was selfish, but I did it.

This time it was a medicine induced procedure, which were the three most painful days of my life. You feel like someone is tearing you open from the inside. But actually having to deal with it helped with the healing. From that point on I went through points of depression. His and my relationship was doomed from right there. I blamed myself, and I blamed him for not being mature... he thought he wasn't good enough to be the father of my child... it led to a whole realm of issues.

I'm not sharing my story for sympathy, or to encourage others... and I've included the painful parts for proof that is isn't easy. My ex got his current gf pregnant, and she gave birth earlier this month. He is so happy even though they have no money and weren't prepared what-so-ever. I have to watch them and realize, due to my own selfishness, I gave him away. I may have even given away my ability to have children, which I won't find out until the future....but it was MY decision. This is why I'm sharing this... IT NEEDS TO BE YOUR DECISION. Because no one will live with it other than you. Even if men think they bear the guilt, THEY DON'T.

Prior to my abortion, I was a pro-lifer that would have pointed a judgmental finger at any woman who uttered the word "abortion." Instead, now I'm in the middle ground, trying to yell at the pro-choice: MAKE SURE IT'S YOUR CHOICE, think it through, and sweetheart, don't be afraid to get help with the grief. And I'm yelling to the pro-life: YOU HAVE NO IDEA what they are going through until you are there. Instead of condemning these women, we need to open our hearts to them. The grief, even if silent, that we women will deal with for the rest of our lives is our punishment. We do not need you rubbing it in our faces. Until this day, I still remember one scene: the biohazard bag they carried my baby away in.

So I write this to say: I REGRET putting myself in that position (having unprotected sex, or even having sex when I couldn't handle the responsibility); But if put in the same situation, same age and all, MY DECISION would have been the SAME.

That's my story: My Abortion, My Life; no opinions needed.