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This will be my third abortion & even though I've done this twice before, it's still as hard as the first. I'm not as irresponsible as you think. Each time I've been protected with a condom or birth control & yet this has dawned upon me once more.

My heart stops each time I see those two pink lines instead of the single line I was hoping for, but I know what I have to do, for me & no one else.

I don't look forward to the waiting room of crying girls, or the sonogram I can't see. I especially don't look forward to the cold table I have to lie on with my legs wide for all the doctors to see. My heart drowns when I wake up on the other side & yet all at the same time, I feel relieved. I'm no longer unusually hungry or vomitting in secrecy.

I don't tell this story to encourage or discourage anyone. I just need to talk to someone. I'm telling you my story, hoping someone out there can relate to how I feel & not be ashamed. I do feel bad but I don't regret my decision. I know one day, I will be the best mother I know how to be. I also know that right now is not my time.