I was 23. It was New Year's Eve. I was with a bunch of college friends and I had slept at a friend's house and left my necklace there. So I was coming back into the city to get my necklace and there was this guy there that I had dated a year prior and we hadn't spoken in a really long time because he's kind of a dick. Basically. And we just kind of stopped talking. We had never slept together-- we had hooked up, but nothing.
So I got my necklace and he's like, I'm watching my boss' apartment, you should stop by. So I thought, OK, I'll stop by. So I stop by and we're hanging out, totally cool. And we start hooking up in his boss' bedroom and we just started to have sex. We had never had sex before and he didn't have a condom on. Totally out of nowhere. This was not like me, and I'm assuming not like him either. Literally he was inside me for a second and I said, Oh my god you don't have a condom on, and he pulled out. That was it.
It was the day after I had finished my period, so I wasn't worried. I didn't take the morning after pill-- nothing like that. I just thought, oh nothing happened. But then my period was 10 days late. I went to my friend's house and we got a pregnancy test. I started hysterically crying... I didn't know what to do. You know, it felt like the most unreal moment of my life. I never thought I would have an abortion. I had friends who had it and I never thought that's the kind of decision I would ever have to make because I'm responsible, I come from a good family.
The actual day of, I really wasn't scared. I was relieved. I'd never felt so relieved in my life. I came home really happy. And in a kind of fucked up way, I've never felt so in control of my body, which was really strange for me because it was also a huge loss at the same time. But after that, for about a month, I was going out a lot, and then I went to South Africa that summer and it hit me really hard what happened. I just had to start dealing with that. So the aftermath I think was harder for me.
The experience actually helped me weed out my good friends from not-good friends. I had some friends that were really supportive and then I had other friends that were awful and didnï¿½t know what to say to me. They said things like, I can't believe this is happening to you. You're so you. You're little, you're "you"-- it's not supposed to happen to you. And I was like, yes, but it is.