I have decided to finally tell my story after all these years. I thought this was going to be a secret that I would take to my grave, but that was not what God had planned.

I was 18 years old and I had been friends and dated this guy off and on for a few years. One night my best friend and I decided to go out on a Saturday and we were trying to decided who we wanted to spend our time with that evening. It was during the winter months, so it was really cold and we just wanted to be with a guy that we enjoyed being with. So, I decided to go over to the guy's house that I had been dating... we had never had sex before, and I was kind of afraid, he had been trying to have sex with me for years, but I was just not ready. It was on that winter cold night that I decided to. I had always liked him a lot, and I thought he liked me a lot too. Well, before I knew it, it was all over, and I will always remember him telling me that the condom broke. I couldn't believe it, and I just knew when I left his house that night that I was pregnant, and sure enough, I was.

I knew that keeping the baby was not an option. My mother already told me time after time, you get pregnant, you are out of the house. She told me that If I was able to do things that adults do, then I should be able to move out and take care of the baby, get a job and be an adult. I knew that I was not able to do any of those things, especially not without her help. College was in my future, we were a college bound family and that was that. I told the baby's father and he gave me half of the money for the abortion, and the other half came from my brother and his friend. I had scheduled to have the abortion on a Saturday morning, which worked out well, because I was able to take my mother to her club meeting, and by the time the procedure was over, she would be ready to be picked up. I was 8 1/2 weeks pregnant and I made my decision. As I went by myself, I was afraid, but I knew it had to be done, and I just wanted to get it over with. Finally, the procedure was finished. I am in some serious pain, and throwing up. The cramps were unbearable, and I had promised myself that I would never go through this again. As I laid down in the recovery room, tears rolled down my face. I felt ashamed, like I not only let my family down, but that I let myself down.

After about an hour, I was able to get myself together, so I could pick up my mother from her club meeting. I arrived on time and she got in the driver's seat as I moved over to the passenger seat. She looked at me and asked me what was wrong, I just told her that my period had started and that I was having really bad cramps. When we got home, I just went to bed and tried to forget that that day had ever happened.

Now I am in my mid forties, and when I was at a prayer meeting, a prophetic word was given to me regarding the child that I had aborted. Now, the outstanding part in this prophetic word, was that the women that gave this word to me, never knew about the abortion, and I didn't even know her then. She told be that God told her to tell me that I had a son, and that he was up in heaven. My son's job in heaven was to usher in all of the babies that had been aborted, and that he was a teacher in heaven. I was also asked to give him a name, so I named him Jonis. I was also told that my son Jonis was not mad at me and that he will be waiting for me when it is my time to go to heaven.

I needed to tell my story because it will release my son, Jonis the responsibility of ushering other babies in heaven. It was told to me that he was tired and that it was now time for me to tell not only my story, but his as well.