I'm 28. I'm in a committed relationship with an older man. He's in the process of getting divorced. We work together.
We didn't use birth control. We talked about the 'what ifs' and promised to deal with the consequences. Eight months of unprotected sex and I had almost thought I was unable to conceive. I was exhausted and took a pregnancy test to rule out the inevitable that was to come. It was positive. I was in shock. My boyfriend was happy.
We assumed we would keep it, as we discussed early in our relationship. We spoke about names and how we would tell our family, friends and coworkers. I felt incredibly ill. The more ill I felt, the more I questioned our path.
We decided if prenatal tests determined an unhealthy fetus that we would abort to spare ourselves and the child of a life of difficulties. This conversation quickly turned to the possibility of an abortion regardless of fetal health.
He called Planned Parenthood. I took the abortion pill. Two weeks later, the doctor told me it was ineffective and I would have to have a surgical abortion as soon as possible.
The failed abortion pill made me angrily question my choice. Was the failure a sign I made a mistake? Was this karma?
After thinking about my options, I felt empowered by choice and made an appointment for a surgical abortion. We told no one out of fear of judgment.
The procedure was as pleasant as possible. I did not feel judged and my choice was not questioned.
I feel sad every once in a while, specifically when I see a pregnant woman or adorable baby. This sadness doesn't last long. I know my choice was the right one for me.
I want a baby, just not now.