I had just separated from my husband. Things were terrible between us, so i moved into my mom's place to get back on my feet. Then one weekend, i felt my nipples hurting and the first thing that came to mind was, am i pregnant? because i remember my mom saying if your nipples ever hurt you could be pregnant. So that morning i raced to the pharmacy and got a pregnancy test, bolted for the closest single person bathroom (Tim Horton out of all places). i waited.... and it said positive at 3 + I was shocked because i am a type 1 diabetic and i have PCOS, so this was an amazing surprise. Now see when i separated from my husband, I had met a new guy thinking nothing serious and if stuff didn't work no big deal, but if they did then great, i just didn't want to be alone. I thought maybe at most i was a month pregnant, and so my boyfriend and I thought it would be best to get an abortion since he was not ready and nor was i, especially being only together a month.

The following week i went in for a vaginal dating scan to see how far i was and the news i got... put me into hysterics... She dated me at 21 weeks. she said i had conceived in march some time, and that i would be due in December. It was my husbands. I knew i had to go through with the abortion because i was drinking, taking birth control, my blood sugars were all over the place, and i had no prenatal care at all. it was not healthy. I went to an ultrasound the next day to make sure exactly how far along i was, and i think that was the hardest because i saw everything, the face and arms and legs, even the movement i felt and saw at the same time. then the fallowing morning they called and said that i was exactly 23 weeks and 1 day... it was too late for the abortion in my country. I had to go over the border and get it done for over $3000 that i didn't have, but i was lucky that my carecard covered the procedure after all.

I found out it was a boy. i had lost 10 pounds and then gained 4 pounds during my entire pregnancy. There were complications, so i did what was best for my baby and for me. I see him as my little angel because i got pregnant, and i finally saw that i needed out of my emotionally abusive relationship. I truly believe he help me see the light. I wish i could have brought him here in this world but i couldn't, and it breaks me up inside every day. I want to thank the people who helped with the procedure, and i am very thankful that they cremated him rather then using him like an experiment. He was human like you and me and i appreciate that they understood that, and didn't make me feel like i was doing a bad a thing. So thank you and...

Goodbye My Little Angel