New York, US
I had been dating a guy for about a year after being best friends with him since 7th grade. We started out having protected sex, foolishly thinking we would be together forever. In the back of my mind, I knew this was untrue. He was controlling, over dramatic and emotionally abusive. I felt pressured to have unprotected sex with him. For a few months, I got my period regularly. But when I got pregnant, I knew the moment it happened. I kept trying to convince him to go with me to buy pregnancy tests but he kept pushing it off. After breaking up with him, I wanted to set my mind at ease. One day, my best friend and I went to the grocery store in the morning to buy a pregnancy test. Sure enough, the two pink lines appeared.
A week later, I was sitting in Planned Parenthood with my Catholic, pro-life best friend and ex-boyfriend. My boyfriend kept starting fights with me about trivial matters as well as my "attitude" with him, which added more stress. They had MTV music videos playing. I was called into the room for an arduous, five hour long process. I was the youngest in there and secluded from my ex-boyfriend and, most importantly, my best friend. I was in a room with many other women, and I was clearly the youngest. I will never forget the cold faces that were all staring at each other. I was able to talk with one girl, who was 21. I will never forget how she made me feel better just by sharing experiences with each other. We were forced to watch a Madea movie on loop and we all just couldn't laugh... also, the movie featured someone who was PREGNANT. Great movie choice, Planned Parenthood!
As I went into the room, I just wanted my mom, and I was crying and said that I never wanted to have sex again. I was loopy from the medication they gave me but I couldn't remember a thing from it. The pain afterwards wasn't so bad, and I was mostly relieved. Even though it was six months ago, I still feel like it just happened. I've been able to move on with my life but I still feel a weight on my shoulders. I never thought that this would happen to me. I'm extremely scared to have sex now. I feel confident with my decision, and I am thankful that every thing went smoothly. However, these memories will always haunt me and I feel like I have nobody to talk about it with; I just want to break down and cry sometimes. I have. I can't speak about it with my therapist. My mom has her suspicions about it because she eavesdropped on my phone conversations, but I can't talk with her either. I do not regret my decision, but I still feel awestruck that it happened to me.