Being a 26 year old, God-fearing, faith-believing, Non-denominational Christian, I never thought I'd have to make this decision unless worse had happened. An abortion had always been out of the question for me. Murder is how I look at it. Believing sex before marriage is a sin, I still did it, and for the first time in in my life, I did it unprotected with my unborn child's father.
We started off unprotected,(only a few min), but ended with a condom. No breakages, so of course we thought we were fine. Weeks later, no menstrual cycle. I finally talked to the father and told him what was going on (after a two week hiatus because of a heated argument we had) and we decided to take a test... which said clear and quick as ever "PREGNANT". I showed him the test, walked away and broke out into tears. We decided that night, that because even tho we had exclusively been dating for exactly a year, and because I was unemployed, and he already had a child, our situation just wasn't looking up to par to have a child. I prayed, prayed and PRAYED that somehow I was NOT pregnant, praying that only it was a scare, my faith high, believing that I wasn't, and yet I still was.
It's only been two weeks ago, but I feel my life will never be the same. My faith in God, and my beliefs, out the window, leaving me questioning my entire life. I would tell anyone else in my situation to pray, pray, pray, and I can't even take my own advice.
Weeks go by, scheduled the procedure, and I didn't have time to process this. Baby sitting, and earthquake, and hurricane within a week, there was just too much going on. The day comes, and now I truly know what "feeling alone in a crowded room" really means. All I did was feel like crying. I made jokes to keep back the tears and filling out the paper work made it worse. The counseling session really didn't help. She made me want to get out sooner. Everyone else made me feel so comfortable.
Get home feeling mentally and emotionally horrible, I still try to keep myself up and positive. NOW the "cramps" kick in, the WORSE physical feeling in my life. That moment, I told myself, never again!!! Words can't explain the pain and the uncomfortable feeling I had. After actually having the abortion at home, physically I felt so much better, but mentally and emotionally I'm still a wreck. My faith in God hasn't been the same and although I have friends that have been through it, I still feel so alone, guilty, hurt, and disappointed in myself. I am just not the same person I was. My seven week and six day old child, a child I always said I'd never get rid of, I still love my unborn, and now I will never know what it would have amounted to. A beautiful blessing, and I/we just let it go. I hope God doesn't punish me any more for this and hope that this happening is a positive reason in the future.