I was 19 years old. I had barely started school in September, and I was excited. I was seeing the boy who I had been with for four years, but split because he had issues. So we saw each other casually and hooked up. We started to have unprotected sex for a while, and I didn't get pregnant.
When I was waiting for my period in December, I noticed I was late. Waited two weeks and took a test. It was positive. I didn't want to get pregnant, first because I didn't love the boy and second because I didn't want to disappoint my parents. I knew he wouldn't let me get an abortion. I went to the health dept and took a test, they said I was five weeks pregnant and also gave me a options paper. I saw Planned Parenthood and called, so I asked about abortion. Since I was less than nine weeks I could do the pill. I submitted for medical care and got approved.
When I scheduled my appointment I was so happy excited and wanted to get it done and over with. It was January 4th, I took a friend who supported my decision. I got an ultrasound and by that time I was seven weeks pregnant. I decided to look at the image, an image I will never forget. I took the pill and she sent me home with the second pill.
As soon as we drove off, I wanted to die. What have I done? The next day I took the second pill. It was so hard. Living at home and my parents not knowing what was going on. 15 minutes after I took the pill, I started cramping really bad. I locked myself in my room, and eventually fell asleep. When I woke up, I stood up and felt a big cot discharging. I pulled my underwear down and saw a little ball of meat-- you could tell it was in a form of the baby. I just picked it up and threw it away like garbage.
I think of that day every day and always think "what if?" I know I didn't make the right decision and will regret it forever. I feel so alone. Its hard not expressing how I feel since no one knows except my friend but neither of us bring it up. This is the first time I've released my pain, my grief, my depression.