About two weeks ago I noticed I was a few days late for my period. I wasn't worried but had decided to take a pregnancy test anyways. I peed and only one line showed up. So I walked into the other room to watch TV. Went to the bathroom a couple hours later and realized a second line had showed up. So I went to the store took two more. I was pregnant. Eighteen years old, a freshman in college, and pregnant.
That night I decided I was going to have a child. But with hours alone the next day I realized my boyfriend and I would not be able to raise a child right now, which hurt because I wanted to be a mother. Adoption wasn't an option for me because I knew the moment I heard a heart beat I wouldn't be able to give the baby up. The next day I went to Planned Parenthood and made an appointment for an abortion. The day finally came and my boyfriend went with me (he was so supportive), they gave me the ultrasound, and told me I had to wait another week because it was too soon to have an abortion.
So I told my mom. She was so supportive and took me to the next appointment. I got all my paperwork done, the ultrasound, pee test, and then came time for the vitals. The nurse flipped through the paper work and I watched her. I accidentally saw the ultrasound. I saw the little white thing that was a child.
I went through with the procedure. The doctor was a male and not sensitive to my situation, and the procedure itself hurt so bad, I started to cry a little bit. In the recovery room it hit me. It hit me hard, I started crying, bawling and for some reason I couldn't stop. The other girls were so supportive, but I just couldn't stop.
It's been about a week. I'm still bleeding, cramping, and I'm still sad. I can't look at babies the same way. Sometimes I want mine back, but I know I made the right choice, and that some day I will have the child I have always wanted. I believe I will get better, but for today I'm still sad. I cried when I found a pamphlet the doctor I had seen for another pregnancy test had given me-- it had drawings of what size the baby was at what stage. I just hope that the sadness will go away soon.