I met a soldier who came home on leave from Iraq and fell in love with him. I had unprotected sex with him the first time and I got pregnant. The worst part is that he was only here for two weeks and then he left to go back to Iraq. I didn't find out I was pregnant for about a week. He left me pregnant, alone, and with the biggest decision of my life to make. There I was, 19 and pregnant with a baby.
I couldn't believe the pregnancy test so I went to Planned Parenthood. The first clinic I went to was really mean to me and very judgmental. I asked all my friends and even family about what I should do, and they all wanted me to get an abortion. I was sleeping on my aunt's couch-- I didn't even have my own room. I didn't know how I'd take care of a baby. I decided to get an abortion and he agreed with me. I got the medical abortion and the worst part is that I actually saw the little sack of eggs come out. I was only five weeks pregnant but to me, it was still a baby.
The second clinic I went to for the pills and the ultrasound was amazing. I didn't want to see the ultrasound at first but the doctor showed me so I could see that at five weeks, the sack didn't even have anything inside it yet. There was no heartbeat, no brain, no baby. Just a bunch of cells waiting to make something. It's been a few months since the abortion and I feel guilty every day. I wish I could take it back. I couldn't even step foot in my church until just a couple weeks ago. I cried for hours after church and begged for His forgiveness. I believe I am forgiven in God's eyes and that this happened for a reason, but I cannot forgive myself yet.