I'll never forget it for the rest of my life. It was July 2nd and I was on my way to work. I know my body very well and I knew something wasn't right. I stopped at the store and bought a pregnancy test. I could not wait, so I took it before starting on my case load for the day. Pregnant. My heart sunk so far into my stomach, I thought I was going to be sick. I immediately called my boyfriend of almost three years and sobbed to him over the phone. I was crying so hard it took a couple of minutes for me to explain why i was even crying to begin with. I knew I had to make a decision, and I already knew what it was going to be.
I come from a very conservative background and my parents have preached abstinence until marriage to me my whole life. The thought of having to look them in the eyes and break their hearts was too much for me to bear. I am their baby girl, and I would rather carry the pain with me the rest of my life then put them through the disappointment they would have felt.
A dear friend picked me up on my lunch break and helped me call and make an appointment at a local clinic. Looking back now, I am not sure how I made it through work that day. Later that night my boyfriend held me for hours, and we cried and prayed together. Of course we would love to have children one day, when we are financially and emotionally ready.
The next two weeks were complete agony for me as I was smiling on the outside, but crumbling on the inside. Finally, I had the abortion on July 16th. I had my boyfriend and best friend with me to support me, and that was a wonderful feeling. It was very scary, but the staff at the clinic were very supportive and really made me feel at ease.
I often wonder what my life would be like had I chosen to keep the baby, but I know in my heart we did what was best for us at that time. I am stronger because of it and I find peace in knowing that one day, when we are ready, I am going to be a good mother and I will love my child unconditionally.