So, I was 23 and had been with my boyfriend on and off for five years. Through college and then some. He was not the best guy, cheated on me a few times and wasn't very sensitive. But I loved him....

After five years of dating he broke up with me, (again...) and I found out two weeks later I was pregnant. (I had missed a few birth control pills). He was OK with it for the first 24 hours.... You know-- until I went to the doctor and got it confirmed that I was for sure pregnant. I told myself it would be hard but it would be OK. As long as he was supportive and friendly, I was willing and wanting to have the baby - (I wasn't looking to get back together or get married, I was looking for someone to tell me it's going to be alright and that we'd get through it together.)

Well, I received a frantic phone call from him yelling at me telling me how stupid I was and how I was going to ruin his life... It was that night that I decided I wanted nothing to do with him anymore... and that included having to feel resentment towards my baby's father. So, I decided to get an abortion. Geez, I never thought I would be someone who would do that. But I just wanted the nightmare to end, I didn't want to see him or hear from him again. I wanted NOTHING to do with him.

I googled "abortions" and found a place that specialized in them. I got an abortion two weeks later... (My mom took me.) All I remember is sitting down in a chair, and waking up a few hours later with a maxi pad in my underwear. I went home and I was OK. It was hard when people at work had baby showers, or when I saw a commercial with a baby in it, or when a cute mom-to-be would pass me in the grocery store. But I was OK... until five years later when my sister found out she was pregnant. I am just 29 years old, but everyday I wonder if my only opportunity to have children is gone. Every day I get older, I feel my chances slipping away. I know rationally that sounds RIDICULOUS. But, I am regretful, scared and unsure. I didn't have the baby because I didn't want my child or I to resent him... But I do. What's worse is, I resent myself and my decision. If I had the decision to make all over again, I don't know what I would do.

I think eventually I will be OK. Just typing out my story and reading other stories has even helped.