I had just turned eighteen and started my first semester of college. My life was going great. I had a wonderful boyfriend who loved me and a great family, and then it happened. In August of 2003 I missed my period for the first time in my life. I was petrified. I told my boyfriend that I thought I might be pregnant because I had missed my period. He wasn't very concerned.
I went to a supermarket where I had never shopped before so that I was sure that no one would recognize me, and I bought my first pregnancy test. The woman behind me and the cashier saw the nervousness in my face as I purchased the test, and they wished me luck as I paid for the test and walked out. I was so scared. On the drive home I called my boyfriend and asked him if he would come home early from work so that we could take the test together. He refused. He said it wasn't a big deal and that I had nothing to be worried about. I wasn't pregnant. I called him about an hour later begging and pleading with him to just come home... I was more important that his stupid job and even if he left no one would miss him. He didn't come home early so I had to do it alone and I couldn't wait another minute I had to know!
So I took the test and then took it to my room and locked the door behind me. No one was home but I felt better with the door locked. I just stared at it and watched the urine travel up the cotton applicator and on to the test strip, to my absolute horror, I saw the two lines. It was true, I was pregnant! There was no denying it. I called my boyfriend and I was hysterical. "You have to come home RIGHT NOW!," I screamed, "I can't do this all by myself, I need you!" But he didn't come.
The next few weeks are all a blur now. I just remember that I cried every day. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I couldn’t have an abortion... I didn't believe in them. I always told myself that I didn't put that baby there, God did, and I had no right in destroying God's creation. As my boyfriend and I talked more it became evident exactly what he wanted to do.
"I am the oldest son" he said, "my family will be so disappointed in me."
"But babe, we can tell them together."
"NO, no one is going to find out about this. We will take care of this ourselves."
"Take care of it," I said, "what does that mean?! I know you're not talking about killing our baby."
"Well you’re not going to have it, that’s for sure! I'm not old enough to have a baby... I still have a lot of life to live."
"Well you should have thought about that before we started having sex! It’s too late for all that talk."
Needless to say, I went through with it. I felt as if I had no other choice... my boyfriend was the only one that knew and I didn't think anyone else was going to understand and I wasn't ready for a baby either. So we went to a clinic and got all the information and I had a medical abortion. First they gave me these pills that I took orally to stop the growth of the baby, and two days later I was suppose to place pill inside of my vagina and that would start the contractions, and a few hours later the baby was suppose to come out. One of the good things is that I could do this at home... just me and my boyfriend. But once again he wasn't there. I did it all alone. I cramped and bled all morning. Huge blood clots came out and a few hours later the cramping got less severe and it was more like a regular period.
My boyfriend didn’t want to talk about it at all. I still cried and he assured me that it would all be OK... one day we would get married and I could have all the kids I wanted. Our relationship was never the same after I had the abortion and I realized that he wasn't the man I thought he was. How in the world was I going to be with and eventually spend the rest of my life with a man that was scared of doing what was right and standing up to his family and telling them that he and his girlfriend made a mistake and became pregnant? I couldn't live this lie that we were this happy couple when I was broken inside and no one knew it. We dated about seven more months and then I ended it.