It's Dec. 22nd, 2007, I just had an abortion earlier today. I went to an abortion clinic in MD and might I say, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done and one of the most painful. I received only local anesthesia and wish I spent the extra $60-$100 for "Twilight Sedation."

Most of the women around me, ranging from 16-40, were all there for the same thing: all of us pregnant and wanting to relieve ourselves from this "burden." I really don't want to call mine a "burden," and most of the other women probably don't want to call their's a "burden" either, but in reality if it wasn't we wouldn't terminate. I was 10 weeks and 4 days pregnant by my ex-boyfriend. We were together off and on for about a year. One of the main reasons for my decision, well, our decision, was the simple fact that "my baby's daddy" didn't want the child, me, or just anything to do with us in general.

Suffering from depression already, hearing that he doesn't want anything to do with this, and being an emotional wreck already, I honestly felt I couldn't handle the situation. I believe I am still in denial about the whole situation. The only way I will know is by giving it a few days, weeks, months-- however long it takes for it to sink it. This isn't my first pregnancy either. I had a miscarriage, oddly the same day last year, by my ex.

What I believe hurt me the most was the fact that my ex wanted the first baby and I lost it at 13 weeks, devastating both of us, and this time he wanted nothing. It seems that all I want to do is lay in bed, not think, not move, not anything. Yet, all I do is think and wonder how my life would have been, could have been, or if I could have survived at all. Luckily, I have my Mom through all this and she has been very helpful, I love her a lot. Well, I really don't have much advice, if anything I need some, I just wanted to write it out and read it on paper, just to see how I would feel.

Honestly, I feel sorry for what I have done, yet relieved. Sounds crazy and selfish, but time heals all... Thanks for letting me share...