I found a website where you can put in your period and it charts it out for you. It was reliable for the first two months, then one day I started feeling sick. I brushed it off and forgot about it for the next four days.
Finally, one day I woke up feeling worse and couldn't keep anything down. I went to the store and got a pregnancy test. I got home and locked myself in the bathroom and took it. I remember watching it develop with an eagle eye and seeing the two blue lines on the test. I alternated between staring at the stick and staring at the box where, according to the directions, I had a positive result.
I remember thinking, "this isn't what I'm supposed to have if I'm not pregnant," and an icy feeling sliding down my back. I was so shocked. I didn't cry, I just went into my friends room and showed her the test. She said she was sorry and started telling me about ways to abort it. I looked at her and wasn't really thinking. All I could say was "I can't believe this" and "my boyfriend will kill me."
The wait until he got home was one of the longest I've waited through, but it gave me time to think of how I was going to tell him. He has always been afraid of this happening and sometimes gets very paranoid about it, and here I was, pregnant. He got home and I took him out onto the porch and told him. He just stared at the ground and repeated "you're pregnant." I said it would only be until we scheduled the abortion and he felt better, even though we couldn't really pay for it then. Apparently, because he was scared and I wasn't, and because he didn't want it, another roommate gave him the money to pay for it. That didn't make me feel good, but I thought that if he didn't want it, what else could I do?
The next four days passed, with the morning sickness getting worse daily. Oddly enough, on the day of the clinic visit, I felt almost human for once. We both went to the clinic and waited to be called back. He brought a book and seemed to want to be there for me and make me feel better. The longer the wait, the more nervous I became. I had spent the night before looking up abortions and stages of pregnancy and found myself crying because of what I was going to do. I alternated between wanting to keep the baby and feeling so horribly sick that I didn't want it.
So the nurse took me back and did the ultrasound. I asked her if I could have a copy of the ultrasound and she said yes, and that I was six weeks and four days pregnant. After that, she called my boyfriend in with me, and after asking me again if it was what I wanted to do, she gave me the first pill and then instructions on how to deal with the rest of it.
I had to get another nausea shot the next day so I could keep the other four pills down to flush everything out. It made me so tired and dizzy that I didn't care about anything at that moment. We went home and I took the other pills and about an hour later I started to get cramps. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget everything, but they got worse, plus the side effects of having to go to the bathroom, so I crawled into the bathroom. I have to say, after I came out I started to feel better, which I read to mean, in the clinic's words, "the pregnancy had passed."
I was thrilled that I could stand up straight and started to feel normal, but one day when I was all alone in the apartment, I started thinking and then started to cry. I used to not believe in abortion, then changed my mind when I got older, but always thought I'd never do it. Honestly, I wish I hadn't been in such a spot in my life where I had to make this decision.