I found out I was pregnant two months ago, and I was already eight weeks. I thought right away to myself there is no way I could keep the baby because my boyfriend and I just moved in and, being 18 years old and without a lot of financial support, we just couldn't keep it. My boyfriend told me it was up to me and he would support either decision I made, but I knew he couldn't be ready to support the baby.
So I thought for one hard month about the baby and decided the best thing would be for me to abort. The day of my first appointment, my boyfriend and I went to the clinic. I was so terrified because I wasn't sure how many weeks exactly I was. When they told me I was twelve weeks and two days, I felt cold. I did not even have a clue I was that far. The doctor asked if I wanted to see the picture of the baby. I said yes, thinking I'd feel fine. When I saw it, I stared in amazement. I wanted to keep it. My boyfriend never said it, but I knew he loved it too when he saw it.
It was too late though, my mom already knew and I told her I planned to abort, which she supported. She said she would come with me to support me. I wanted to just keep my baby and take care of it, but it didn't end that way. Finally I scheduled my second appointment for one week later. It was for December 7th 2006.
I walked in feeling kind of guilty, but it was the right thing, after all, since I was trying to protect my boyfriend and his future. It took them three hours after my time scheduled for them to do it. But they first gave me another ultrasound and told me I was fourteen weeks. This made it worse for me. As I sat and talked to the nurse, waiting for the doctor, I felt so cold and heartless. My bulge would not be there anymore.
When the doctor first started I was feeling major cramping that just made me want to die because I knew my baby's life was done. Right after, I cried and started throwing up, I felt so disgusted with myself. As soon as I got out of that clinic I was somewhat relieved, but so guilty and depressed. I know I can never take what I did back, and my emotions will never be the same for me. I feel like an idiot for not keeping it. I want my baby back.