It happened almost a year ago. I had been dating my boyfriend for around 9 months. I was madly in love with him. We had talked about marriage and even looked at engagement rings.
Then, one day, I missed my period... something that I thought would never happen to me until I was ready to become a mom. We both come from really good families, we are both Christians, we want to be together, we love each other... why could we not have a baby?
When I first found out, he was with me. All I remember was crying and him holding me telling me it would be alright. But it wouldn't, I wasnt ready for this. I was a sophomore in college, contemplating grad school in the future, I wanted us to have a life together before we shared our lives with anyone else.
He suggested it. Together, we made the decision not to have a baby. We made an appointment, and went together, I was only two weeks pregnant... they couldn't even see anything on the screen. I opted for a medical abortion (induced miscarriage). The actual abortion wasn't that bad... The whole time, my boyfriend was supportive.
When it all came down to it, I was scared. I absolutely love kids and definitely want kids of my own one day. But, I want to be a really great mom...if I had went along with the pregnancy, I would have probably had to delay my schooling until the child was old enough to go to daycare.
At first, I felt relief, but then months later I started having mixed emotions. I went to counseling, and eventually forgave myself. I realized that we made a decision not to bring our baby into this world when we could not afford to give it everything a baby deserves, or the time and attention it deserves.
Now, almost a year later, my boyfriend and I are engaged to be married. We know that we are meant to be together and will have a chance in the future to bring beautiful children into this world when we are both ready financially, emotionally, and physically.